Negative constants

Regret is something I can never take away from my system. And worry. These are the two negative constants in my life. Growing up, as most Filipino first-born, I was taught to take care of my siblings. I was taught to help my mom manage the finances. I was always reminded to behave because I have 4 siblings who were looking up to me (our youngest, James, was born when I was already in 2nd year high school). Maybe, because of too many restrictions in my life before, I rebelled in my own way. I did so many mistakes even when I should have known better. I never stopped until I knew I was done for.

You know, these regrets and worries about my future keep on surfacing whenever I see someone’s life mapped out beautifully before him or her. It surfaces whenever I see someone my age who is accomplished and has everything life can offer. It surfaces when I see a colleague who has already moved up the corporate ladder, seemingly sure of where s/he wants to go. Not that I want to go up the corporate ladder, just the confidence they have of what they want out of their careers.

A good friend of mine talked to me about her goal for next year. The regret and worries surfaced once more. Thus this post.

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