Feeling guilty

I read a text message from a friend who needed financial help. She, her mom and her kids are going to the province tomorrow for her dad’s first death anniversary. She’s asking for any amount that I can give her and she’ll pay it back by the time she gets a job. Which is still very much uncertain as she was supposed to fly out of the country to work in the Middle East as a Respiratory Therapist but until now she’s still here.

Anyway, I was not able to help her. It’s really bad timing. I just paid my brother’s summer tuition fee in full the other day. The next remittance coming in will be next week and my sister is also flying out of the country so every extra penny I have is already budgeted. I couldn’t risk finding myself short of cash.

I feel guilty. I told my sister about it and she told me that I shouldn’t. If I had extra cash with me and I refused to help, then I should feel guilty about it. But still, it’s my prerogative if I want to lend her some or not. I know that. I still feel guilty because I was once in her position, texting close friends to ask for financial help. I know the feeling of rejection. I know the feeling of being denied help. I know how uncertain tomorrow looks for someone who has no money and no one to turn to. That’s why I feel so darn guilty about not being able to help.

If I only have extra cash with me, I would have given it to her. But family comes first. Still…

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